The
holidays are a joyous time for most, but for those who experienced a loss,
the usually festive time of year can be a painful reminder that their loved one
is no longer around.
"Traditionally, it is a time of family, friends and
laughter, but for people who are in the grieving process, the holidays can
enhance feelings of personal grief and separate us from what used to make us
happy," says Cynthia Bozich-Keith, a clinical assistant professor in Purdue
University's School of Nursing.
She says that although every person's
grief is individual, there are several things a grieving person can do to get
through the season.She offers the following
suggestions:-- Be gentle with yourself. Be sure to take time out to
care for yourself, whether it is through pampering or just slowing down your
pace.
-- Be sure to eat a nutritious diet, exercise, get adequate sleep
and avoid alcohol.
-- Talk about your feelings with people you love and
who love you. Allow yourself the right to talk about the person who died. The
process of sharing memories may help with the healing process.
-- Set
limits. Be realistic about the difference between what you want to do and what
you can do vs. what you should do. "The shoulds will get you every time,"
Bozich-Keith says. "It's important to let go of the need to be perfect or doing
it all. If you're used to doing all of the shopping, cooking and decorating
around the holidays, perhaps this is the year to share those things with
others."
-- Don't feel guilty if you find yourself enjoying yourself
around the holidays. "It is not disrespectful to the memory of your loved one if
you have a good time," she says. "Your loved one would be happy to know you are
enjoying yourself."
-- Embrace your memories and find comfort in them.
"This is the bittersweet part," she says. "Our memories often bring us to both
tears and laughter, but they are what sustain us through the years."
--
Celebrate life. Attend a holiday or religious service if faith is part of your
life. Some people find comfort in acts of remembrance such as donating a
poinsettia in memory of a loved one at church or making a donation in their name
to a charity. Also, recognize that it is acceptable to create new
traditions.
Bozich-Keith says it is important to keep in mind that
sadness is normal during the holidays, no matter how long ago the loss took
place.
"Try to ride the wave of emotions and accept that feelings of
sadness and pain are unavoidable and are heightened during certain times," she
says. "The intense feelings will pass, but grief is an ongoing process. Don't
ever expect closure. It gets easier with time, but there will always be an empty
space at the table."
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